Have you ever dated someone who seemed to shine brighter than anyone else in the crowd, they were charming, charismatic and brilliant beyond all others you had ever met before? Then the further you delved into your dating life with them there seemed to be a shift. At this point, you may have felt like you were more single than not and going solo despite the fact you were dating them. Maybe you felt like you weren’t being heard, your needs weren’t being met and sometimes, that you were even secondary in your relationship with them? Well, you may not have known it at the time, but you may have been dating a narcissist. Here are seven signs which are not uncommon when it comes to this particular type of personality. Date them if you wish but I know I’d rather not…
#1. Every conversation is about them. It doesn’t matter if you’re telling a story or sharing something about your day or a previous event, a narcissist has a special capability of making each conversation come back to them. It’s frustrating, and you can highlight it to them in a subtle way, but more often than not they won’t make any effort to change the way your future exchanges work.
#2. They have a genuine lack of interest in you and your points of discussion. It isn’t in any way because you are not interesting or the story you have to share isn’t worth sharing it’s just that when you spend time with a narcissist you will find they zone out and switch off and it’s because what you are saying isn’t of interest to them. If you can find strong talking points where they feel they can relate or that what you are saying will affect their life then sure, they will be back in the game for a moment but don’t take it personally, on the whole when they don't seem interested it’s simply a genuine lack of interest. You will see that conversations will tend to sit nicely on a surface level when engaging with a narcissist as they won’t know what questions to ask you to delve a little deeper as they have a lack of curiosity about others.
#3. They never apologise, and if they do, they don’t quite mean it. Finding any scenario where they were in the wrong and that they feel the need to apologise is kind of like finding a needle in a haystack. Even if a narcissist agrees that at some point that a mistake or wrongdoing was made and they need to apologise they a) won’t be compelled to do so or b) will do so and will struggle to mean it.
#4. They feel like an injustice has been served if others have a negative view of them. A narcissist cares what people think about them, despite them not truly caring about others so much themselves. If someone has a negative opinion of a narcissist then it will be hurtful to them as it's conflicting to how they see themselves and it will be difficult for them to digest. On a similar note, they will do what it takes to prove to you and to reiterate their view in their mind that they are a good person with only good intentions.
#5. They have a constant need for recognition. When it comes to achievements no matter how big or small for a narcissist they will want acknowledgement from you that they have reached a goal, hit a milestone, that they are doing well and are going way above and beyond what is expected of them. They will want those around them to vocalise that they are doing well, so it reaffirms in their mind a positive vision of themselves and acceptance from others. Any criticism, even of the constructive kind will more often than not be taken to heart by a narcissist. Narcissists will also be envious of your achievements, and if you are quite close to them, they will also try to find a way to take credit or think about how they have contributed to your achievements.
#6. They don’t celebrate any of your successes. If you have achieved something great, they won’t feel compelled to celebrate with you as they will most often feel intimidated by you or perhaps threatened by your successes out of fear that you may outshine them or undermine them. It’s quite a selfish mentality, and you will spot it when you hit your milestones and become more in tune with how they acknowledge them alongside you.
#7. They have an unspoken feeling of superiority. A narcissist will feel superior in every way to you, and so they will always put their thoughts, feelings and plans for the future before yours. They deem their needs to be of ultimate importance, and everything you need will be heard but inevitably won’t be digested fully and will never compare to their needs or wants. What you will experience is a constant conflict (spoken or not) about needs being unfulfilled. How exhausting.
I don't believe you should ever settle for less than you deserve. If you feel like you are dating a narcissist, then you probably are, if you are happy to accept coming second or being secondary to all else in your relationship then go ahead - date a narcissist. But, if you feel like you deserve ultimate happiness, to be cherished, listened to, appreciated and put at the top of all priorities then do not date a narcissist and find a person that lights you up as much as you light them up.